Today, I found out how to describe my feeling in the other way. It's like telling story about a old man who is laying down on the bed in hospital. Having some disease which is suffering on the bed and the doctor is still finding the way to cure.

People said, the patient who are suffering on the bed and have 5% or chance to recover. Might as well end the life of the patient on the bed than letting them suffer day by day. But, who wants somebody who is related to us leave this world so easily, rather than hurting them self watching someone of theirs suffering on the bed and waiting and hoping there is a chance to cure.

I can only describe my feelings with this, I've no idea how to explain in the other way. I'm yet still hoping there's light still lid in this life, I know it's there and I know it's getting less and less than before.